<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Bitten by mean_whale</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600005">Bitten</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale'>mean_whale</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Blood, Coming Out, Community: hp_creatures, Established Relationship, First War with Voldemort, HP Creature Fest 2020 - Quarantine Creature Comeback, Happy Ending, M/M, Near Death, Nightmares, Serious Injuries, Soul Bond, Werewolves, werewolf attack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:35:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after the full moon, Remus has a feeling that Sirius is hurt, and he’s the only one who can find Sirius before it’s too late.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Creature Fest 2020 - Quarantine Creature Comeback, Marauders</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Remus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you very much to my beta BlueEagle!</p><p><b>Prompt 38 (2018):</b> Sirius was on Order businesses and got bitten by a werewolf. Remus was in a safe place due to the Moon, but since the two of the were blood mates, he (consequently the Wolf too) could feel the pain and all the struggle that went along with the attack of his love. The morning after, Rem wakes up all desperate to find Sirius. He almost faint at the sight of him all bloodied etc. Now they have to go through this together, and Moony has a wolf pack now.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He needed to get out. He needed to get out. He pawed at the ground, but it wouldn’t give; he had already scratched his nails into stubs, but there had to be a way out. He could smell the outside, he could smell prey, but he couldn’t find it.</p><p>He would find a way. Outside was just there, right there, if he just managed to break through the barrier, he would be out and he would be free to prowl to his heart’s content.</p><p>He remembered that it hadn’t always been like this. He hadn’t been locked in a small place alone like this in a long time. He remembered trees and his pack, he hadn’t always been alone, and he didn’t understand why he was now; where was his pack and why weren’t they with him?</p><p>He sat down and howled at the Moon that he couldn’t see, but he could feel it, he could feel it in his skin, and he had to get out to greet the Moon.</p><p>Suddenly, there was pain, and his howl died into a whine, then a yelp when the pain increased. He collapsed, but he knew the pain wasn’t coming from himself. It was the pain of his Mate.</p><p>The Dog.</p><p>He knew the Dog, the Dog was pack. The Dog was Mate? Yes, the Dog was Mate.</p><p>And his Mate was hurt.</p><p>His Mate was hurt and his Mate was on the outside, he had to get out, he had to get out.</p><p>He rose from the ground that was too hard to dig. His Mate’s pain was a constant burn inside him, and he sniffed around the area to find where the outside was the closest, and he set to work.</p><p>*</p><p>Remus came to in a pool of blood. He groaned quietly. It hurt his throat.</p><p>Deep breaths, deep breaths, and he managed to roll onto his side to assess the damage. His right arm was fractured. His fingertips burned. His left leg felt broken. He was bleeding, but he wasn’t sure from where.</p><p>He closed his eyes and breathed calmly. His hair was sticky, and he was starting to suspect that he was bleeding from his head. That could be bad; he might be concussed, but he might just have wounded himself – headwounds bled a lot.</p><p>What had he done?</p><p>He allowed himself to slip into memories, hazy images changing so rapidly that he couldn’t quite keep up. He had wanted out, but he didn’t understand how he had managed to hurt himself quite so badly. After Hogwarts, it had been decided that the safest place for him to transform was in his parents’ cellar, and he’d had James, Sirius and Peter help him make some changes that they had figured would make it a better place for him. It had worked, and when he woke up after a Full, he was rarely grievously injured.</p><p>What was different this time? The obvious answer was that he had been alone. Usually, if not all three of his friends, at least Sirius was with him. But even then, when he had been alone, he had never managed this much damage. At least he thought so.</p><p>He remembered feverishly trying to dig and push his way out, but what could have triggered it? He’d have to figure it out so he could fix it.</p><p>Then he remembered the urgent need to go to his mate, and wasn’t that the oddest thing? He didn’t have a mate.</p><p>Or, well, he did, but the bond couldn’t reach his wolf side because Sirius wasn’t a werewolf. He and Sirius had performed the bonding a couple of years back, and Remus could only ever feel it when he was human. The bond was just a weak connection, mostly a knowledge of how deep his feelings for Sirius were and how they would always be together. And the faintest understanding that Sirius felt the same. It was a bonding strictly for the human side of him, and the wolf would never recognise it. Werewolves could only form complete bonds with other werewolves, and Sirius was not a werewolf. Therefore, there was no way that Remus could have felt the bond in wolf form.</p><p>Had it been a dream? The longer he stayed awake the harder it was to remember real things. They started mixing with dreams and fears.</p><p>He couldn’t think, he hurt too much.</p><p>It was painfully slow, but he managed to turn himself towards the hidden recess that contained his wand and clothes.</p><p>“<em>Accio </em>wand,” he mumbled, hoping against hope that it would work.</p><p>His eyes were heavy. He wanted to sleep.</p><p>He should stay awake and treat the worst injuries.</p><p>Then sleep.</p><p>The wand dropped against his hand, and he grasped it weakly.</p><p>He slowly rolled around again, lying on his back now. It was so dark that he couldn’t see around himself. It always felt odd not to see in the cellar. Right before the Full, his senses were sharper and when he sat in the dark cellar, he could see around himself relatively well. The morning after, however, was a different story. All that was left was the pain.</p><p>Remus set out to heal his injuries, painstakingly trying to move without hurting himself more, each whispered spell a bit of a gamble because his hand wouldn’t stop trembling. He healed his arm and his broken ribs and leg, located a wound amongst his hair and spelled it closed, relieved to find that it was a normal wound and not a cursed one.</p><p>He stopped to feel his body’s aches. His joints smarted, his fingertips were still stinging, but those were things he couldn’t fix with a spell. Then there was the odd burn in his chest that he only noticed now that his biggest injuries were healed.</p><p>He focused on that pain, wondering if his heart was finally giving up, when suddenly, everything became clear to him: Sirius was hurt.</p><p>He struggled to sit up and was already trying to stand when he caught himself and told himself to slow down. He sat there on the cold concrete, blood on the floor and in his hair, and a burn of someone else’s pain in his heart.</p><p>How did he know it was Sirius?</p><p>He contemplated the question. Never before had he felt even the smallest indications of what Sirius was feeling at any specific moment, never anything about Sirius’ physical state. He had never felt anything other than the tender love that he had started feeling after their bonding. But he also knew that what he was feeling was Sirius. He knew it.</p><p>Why did he feel Sirius’ pain?</p><p>Remus’ heart was starting to beat faster, heavier.</p><p>Why did he know that Sirius was hurt?</p><p>He thought back to the urgency of getting to his mate.</p><p>But it made no sense. It made no sense because Sirius wasn’t a werewolf.</p><p>Unless he was now.</p><p>Remus felt faint. He wanted to lie down and let it pass, but there was a big part of him that was telling him to get up and go to Sirius because Sirius was hurt.</p><p>It made no sense.</p><p>It made no sense because Sirius was at home. He had been out on a mission, but his mission had been due to end late at night, which was why he couldn’t make it to keep Remus company. And Sirius’ mission had been nowhere near werewolves. Remus knew for certain that he himself was the only member of the Order who was dealing with werewolves, because werewolves were more likely to listen to one of their own rather than a wizard just waltzing in and trying to tell them how to think.</p><p>It made no sense for him to think that Sirius had been bitten, because Sirius was at home. Although it must have been getting quite late, so Sirius was most likely right on his way to Remus. In just a minute, Sirius was going to undo the wards on the cellar door and descend the creaking stairs.</p><p>Just as he thought that, he heard the door opening and sighed in relief.</p><p>He must have imagined it all. The burn in his chest was something else, he had just gotten it mixed up with his dreams because he was always confused after a transformation.</p><p>Sirius was coming down the stairs, bringing light with him. Remus allowed himself to lie down again, faintly realising that he hadn’t put on any clothes yet.</p><p>“Oh,” came a surprised voice from the bottom of the stairs.</p><p>It wasn’t Sirius’ voice.</p><p>Remus was tired and now that he had lain down, he found it an incredible feat to move any part of his body. He turned his head just enough to see Lily standing there, looking at him with what Remus was almost certain was a frown.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Remus,” Lily said and headed to the recess where Remus’ clothes were still neatly folded. “I was made to understand that you would have gotten dressed by now.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Remus said, voice hoarse and throat still sore. “A difficult Moon.”</p><p>“That’s quite alright,” Lily said and briskly walked over to where Remus was lying, handing him his robes to cover himself with. “Do you need help with healing?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Remus said, merely dropping the robe over his lower regions, too tired to try to put it on yet. “Where’s Sirius?”</p><p>Lily bit her lip and busied herself with cleaning up the blood from the floor.</p><p>“Lily?” Remus croaked. “Where’s Sirius?”</p><p>Lily turned to look at him, her green eyes seeming more vivid in the cellar’s poor lighting.</p><p>“Sirius isn’t back yet,” she said.</p><p>Remus’ heart dropped.</p><p>“What?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>“He hasn’t come back yet,” Lily said.</p><p>“Where is he?” Remus asked. “What happened?”</p><p>Lily was looking at him with annoying steadiness.</p><p>“We don’t know, Remus,” she said, and her voice was surprisingly gentle compared to the stern look on her face. “He didn’t come back, and we don’t know where he is. He’s not where he was supposed to be, so something must have gone wrong. We’re working on it. We’ve been looking for him all night. We’ll find him.”</p><p>The burn in Remus’ chest had spread into his core. He felt with all his being that Sirius was in pain.</p><p>“I have to get up,” he said urgently.</p><p>Lily looked startled.</p><p>“I need to get up,” Remus repeated.</p><p>“Can you sit up?” Lily asked, stepping closer.</p><p>Remus struggled, but he managed to sit up. His robes were pooling in his lap and he tried to figure out which way they were supposed to be worn. His hands were shaking.</p><p>“Oh, really,” Lily sighed, and picked up the robes, not seeming to care if she got an eyeful of Remus’ nether regions in the process.</p><p>Remus couldn’t quite decide if he should try to hide his prick with his hands or let it be since Lily had already seen him in his entirety. Before he came to a conclusion, all the while trying to ignore the knowledge that Sirius was hurting, Lily bent down to help him get dressed.</p><p>“Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to get up right now?” Lily asked after Remus was dressed.</p><p>“I need to,” Remus said, breathing heavily from the exertion of putting on his robes. “Lily, I need you to get me healing salve, several bottles of Blood-Replenishing Potion, and whatever pain potions we have.”</p><p>Lily squinted at Remus.</p><p>“You haven’t lost that much blood,” she said.</p><p>“Please, I need it,” Remus said. “Just get it ready for me, please?”</p><p>Lily frowned at him, but then nodded. She gave him one last appraising look before turning around and heading back upstairs.</p><p>Remus took in a few deep breaths, then forced himself to get up. It was slow, and something was still hurting him, but at least he was standing. He summoned the rest of his clothes and struggled his pants on, then a pair of socks.</p><p>Slowly, with uneven steps, he made his way to the stairs. He was panting by the time he had climbed up, and Lily found him standing by the cellar door, leaning heavily against the doorframe.</p><p>“I found everything you asked for,” Lily said, taking a hold of Remus’ arm and nudging him into leaning against her.</p><p>Lily was much shorter than Remus, and leaning against her made him feel like he was about to crush her. Remus felt like laughing, but Sirius’ pain was getting too acute to ignore. He followed Lily to the kitchen table, where the jars and phials had been placed.</p><p>“Thank you,” Remus said, collecting them all into his pockets.</p><p>“You’re not going to take any pain potion right now?” Lily asked incredulously.</p><p>“No time,” Remus mumbled.</p><p>He leaned against the table and closed his eyes, allowing himself to feel his connection to Sirius.</p><p>“What do you mean there’s no time?” Lily asked beside him. “Remus? What’s going on? Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”</p><p>“No time for that either,” Remus said, still focusing on feeling Sirius.</p><p>“Remus!” Lily snapped.</p><p>Remus opened his eyes and turned to look at her. She was watching him intently.</p><p>“I know where Sirius is,” Remus said.</p><p>“What? How?” Lily asked, eyes widening. “How?”</p><p>“I’ll send word,” Remus said.</p><p>Without waiting for Lily’s response, Remus Disapparated.</p><p>*</p><p>Remus had never Apparated without knowing where he was going. Usually, it was impossible to Apparate to a place where you had never been, because you were supposed to visualise it, but Remus knew that if he followed his bond with Sirius, he would make it there – wherever there was. He was correct.</p><p>Remus hardly even registered that he had ended up so deep in a forest that the sunlight barely made it through the foliage. What he was much more interested in, was Sirius, lying on his side on the ground, unmoving.</p><p>“Sirius,” he gasped.</p><p>He stepped forward and was hit with dizziness. He stumbled to a tree and stood there, forehead pressed against the bark, just breathing. Apparating in his condition had been a mistake, and now that his thoughts were focused on himself for a moment, he also realised it was a wonder he hadn’t splinched himself. On the other hand, it had been the only way to Sirius, and it had been imperative to get to Sirius sooner rather than later if he wanted Sirius to remain alive.</p><p>Once he felt like he wasn’t in danger of fainting, he turned his head enough to see Sirius.</p><p>He didn’t want to look; Sirius seemed broken, his body lying on the cold ground, his clothes in bloody tatters, his pale skin speckled with blood, blood, blood – it was everywhere. His hair was sticky with it too.</p><p>Remus raised his wand and cast a Patronus charm. He was too weak to cast a fully formed Patronus, and he was grateful for it; it meant that he didn’t need to spare extra energy on stopping it from becoming corporeal.</p><p>“Tell Dumbledore that I found Sirius,” he said. “He needs discreet medical attention. I’ll bring him with me to the cottage.”</p><p>The silvery smoke disappeared, and Remus pushed himself off the tree. He didn’t immediately fall to the ground, which was a good sign. Slowly, carefully measuring each step, he approached Sirius and kneeled down next to him.</p><p>Sirius was breathing laboriously and superficially. Remus didn’t understand how to evaluate other people’s injuries; how could he know when he couldn’t feel them? He almost wished that the bond forced Sirius’ pain on him exactly, just so he’d know if there was anything he could do safely.</p><p>He raised his hand and discovered that it was shaking. From shock or tiredness, he wasn’t sure. He carefully placed it on Sirius’ arm, on a spot where it seemed that he wasn’t hurt.</p><p>“Sirius?” he rasped. “Padfoot?”</p><p>Sirius didn’t react, and maybe that was good. Maybe it was better that he remained unconscious. Remus could sometimes vividly remember how much it had hurt when he had been bitten. It was a mercy if Sirius could sleep through the worst of it.</p><p>Why was Sirius even there? What had happened? Wasn’t he supposed to have been watching a barn that had had suspected Death Eater activity? From what Remus had heard, those were the most boring missions anyone could be assigned to.</p><p>What had gone wrong?</p><p>Remus tried to locate the bite. Sirius’ shoulder was shredded, but Remus couldn’t be sure if there were toothmarks. There was too much blood and the fabric of Sirius’ torn robes was hiding a lot. Remus was too scared of making it worse to touch.</p><p>He’d have to touch, though.</p><p>“Sirius?” he tried again, but Sirius remained unconscious.</p><p>Remus gently turned Sirius just enough to see his face. It was bloodied too, and it was impossible to tell if the blood was hiding damage. Sirius’ breath was rattling in his chest. Remus leaned Sirius against himself, then took out a phial of Blood-Replenishing Potion.</p><p>“You need to drink this,” he whispered.</p><p>Clumsily, he poured some of the potion into Sirius’ mouth, rubbing his throat to get him to swallow. It wasn’t working, most of the potion was dripping out, and Remus could have cried. He’d have to try to wake Sirius, but that would make things more complicated. What if Sirius moved abruptly and damaged himself further? What if Sirius woke up in a panic and wouldn’t calm down and Remus couldn’t take him with him? What if–</p><p>Sirius groaned.</p><p>“Padfoot?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Moony?” he thought he heard Sirius whisper.</p><p>“Yes, it’s me,” Remus said. “It’s Moony.”</p><p>Sirius opened his eyes slowly, then closed them again.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said as firmly as he could with his voice hoarse. “I need you to drink this potion. It’s very important.”</p><p>Sirius squinted his eyes open. Remus slipped an arm around his shoulders to slightly lift him.</p><p>“Here,” Remus said and pressed the phial to Sirius’ lips.</p><p>Sirius closed his eyes again but turned his head towards the phial. Remus carefully tipped it up, and with heavy gulps, Sirius drank it.</p><p>“I’m dying,” Sirius whispered, eyes still closed.</p><p>“No, you’re not,” Remus said. “I won’t let you. You’re not going to die.”</p><p>Remus pulled out a pain potion next and pressed it against Sirius’ lips.</p><p>“Drink this,” he said.</p><p>Sirius didn’t react in any way, but he swallowed when Remus poured the potion in his mouth. Remus tried to quickly assess how much blood Sirius had lost and if he needed a second Blood-Replenishing Potion. He wasn’t sure, so he didn’t dare try. Instead, he found a different pain potion and made Sirius drink that as well.</p><p>Sirius seemed to relax afterwards.</p><p>“Moony,” came his faint whisper.</p><p>“Yes?” Remus asked, trying to see if he had any other pain potions on him.</p><p>“I…” Sirius said, but then didn’t say anything else.</p><p>“Yes?” Remus asked, placing phials on the ground but finding no other pain potions. “Padfoot?”</p><p>Remus turned to look, but Sirius still looked the same; his eyes were closed, lips slightly parted, and face bloody. He was breathing a bit more easily, a bit less superficially, and Remus thought that must have been a good sign.</p><p>He didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know if Sirius going unconscious again was good or bad. Their bond was confusing and didn’t tell Remus anything other than that Sirius was hurt.</p><p>Remus gathered the potion phials back into his pocket, one arm still holding Sirius. He pulled Sirius as close to himself as he possibly could, his hold so tight that it must have hurt.</p><p>“You’re not allowed to die,” Remus whispered.</p><p>He was nervous about Side-Along Apparating Sirius. Apparition when injured was generally a bad idea, but there was no other way he could possibly get Sirius out of the forest whose location Remus didn’t know. He could ask someone to locate them, but it would take time, and they had none.</p><p>He had no choice.</p><p>Remus squeezed his eyes shut, imagined the Lupin cottage living room, and Disapparated.</p><p>There was a gasp, hurried footsteps, and Remus opened his eyes to find himself exactly where he was supposed to be. He was still holding Sirius to himself, now aware of the blood soaking through his robes and his socks being wet and cold; he had forgotten to wear shoes.</p><p>“Remus,” Lily’s urgent voice brought Remus out of his stupor. “What happened?”</p><p>“He was bitten,” Remus said. He turned to look at Lily. “Are you alone?”</p><p>Lily nodded.</p><p>“Oh,” Remus said. “Do they teach you first aid for werewolf bites in Auror school?”</p><p>“Oh my god,” Lily whispered.</p><p>“I informed Dumbledore,” Remus said. “I expect he’ll be sending in someone shortly.”</p><p>“Oh my god, Remus,” Lily said more loudly, then stepped forward. “Let me see.”</p><p>Remus gently lowered Sirius to the floor, then rolled him on his side.</p><p>“I managed to make him drink a Blood-Replenishing Potion and two different pain potions,” he said, scooting back but not too far. He couldn’t stand the idea of not being at a touching distance to Sirius.</p><p>“That’s good,” Lily said, squatting down to get a closer look at Sirius. “I need to take off his robes.”</p><p>Lily waved her wand and Sirius’ robes disappeared. His shoulder looked mangled and Remus again wondered if that was where he had been bitten. There were clear bite marks on his thigh, and it was a miracle that he hadn’t bled to death.</p><p>Remus was feeling faint again. Slowly, so as not to draw Lily’s attention to himself and away from Sirius, he moved until he was leaning against the sofa, still close enough to Sirius. Now that Sirius’ life didn’t depend on him, he started to notice all the small pains that he hadn’t had time to fix before rushing off. He dug out the jar of healing salve and started smearing it over his fingertips, finally finding relief. His knees were aching too, and he slipped the hem of his robes up enough to rub the salve into his skin. His sore hips would have to wait until he was alone.</p><p>The Floo flared to life and Dorcas staggered out of it.</p><p>“I heard there was an emergency?” she said immediately, looking around the room with her big eyes before spotting Sirius. “Oh, Merlin.”</p><p>Dorcas had just kneeled down next to Sirius when Dumbledore stepped out of the Floo. He gave the room one of his all-seeing looks, eyes finally stopping on Sirius.</p><p>“We better take him to a safehouse,” Dumbledore said.</p><p>Remus staggered up from the floor, ready to go. Dumbledore turned to look at him.</p><p>“I will want a word with you, Mr. Lupin,” he said. “But for now, you look like you need a good rest.”</p><p>Remus stood still. He was having a hard time understanding what Dumbledore was trying to tell him. He felt someone take his arm and turned to look at Lily.</p><p>“I’ll walk you to your room,” Lily said with a smile and started guiding Remus out of the room, while Dorcas was quickly washing blood off Sirius and checking what she found underneath.</p><p>“Wait, no,” Remus said. “No, I’m coming with him.”</p><p>Dumbledore and Lily both turned to look at him in surprise.</p><p>“Remus,” Lily said gently. “He’ll be fine. Dorcas will take care of him, and once you’ve rested, you can go see him.”</p><p>“No,” Remus said immediately. “No, I’m coming with.”</p><p>Dumbledore gave him a long appraising look before nodding sombrely.</p><p>“If you think it wise,” he said.</p><p>“I do,” Remus said, just in case.</p><p>“You can’t move him quite yet,” Dorcas said. “I need to stabilise him first.”</p><p>“Do let me know when it’s safe,” Dumbledore said. “In the meantime, I will go talk to Edgar. He might have some insight into how this came to be.”</p><p>Remus faintly remembered Sirius mentioning that Edgar Bones was going to be with him on the mission. Dumbledore left just as quickly as he had come, leaving Remus’ head reeling.</p><p>“Remus,” Lily said, “you should rest. Sirius isn’t going anywhere yet. You should take this time to rest.”</p><p>Remus looked at Sirius uncertainly. Dorcas was cleaning his shoulder with a tincture that smelled foul.</p><p>“You wouldn’t happen to have any powdered silver, would you?” Dorcas asked without looking up.</p><p>“No,” Remus said quietly.</p><p>“Pity,” Dorcas mumbled.</p><p>“Should I go get some?” Lily asked.</p><p>Dorcas was quiet for a moment, dabbing at Sirius’ shoulder with a wad of bloodied bandages.</p><p>“It would help,” Dorcas finally said. “He’s still bleeding.”</p><p>Lily turned to look at Remus and said, “Remus, go to sleep. I promise you will be woken up before they take Sirius away.”</p><p>Lily didn’t stop to hear Remus’ response but strode over to the Floo, and with a flash of green flames, she was gone.</p><p>“You should go to bed,” Dorcas said without looking away from Sirius. “You look like you’ll collapse any minute now.”</p><p>Remus couldn’t argue because he felt like he might collapse any minute now. He looked at Sirius, whose chest was also bloodied. Dorcas or Lily had cleaned the blood off his face, and Remus was glad to find that it had been spared any visible marks.</p><p>“Go the fuck to bed, Remus,” Dorcas said.</p><p>Remus turned towards the bedroom. Each step that took him away from Sirius made him feel uneasy, and by the time he had made it to the bedroom door, he was panting hard, Sirius’ pain a constant throb in his core. He slowly returned to the living room, where Dorcas was just moving Sirius to the sofa.</p><p>“Remus, what did I tell you?” she asked, exasperated, eyes still focused only on Sirius.</p><p>“I can’t leave him,” Remus mumbled.</p><p>He didn’t feel right. He wondered if it was possible to splinch oneself on the inside. That would explain why he felt like his intestines had been rearranged. That, or the two Apparitions right after a transformation.</p><p>He sloppily transfigured a chair into a mattress and slumped on top of it. It was lumpy and seemed to have a wooden core, but it was somewhere to lie down. He was right next to Sirius.</p><p>He closed his eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sirius</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was dark, until it suddenly wasn’t. Then, everything was ache.</p><p>Sirius didn’t dare move. He felt like the slightest wrong move would break his body and probably his entire existence.</p><p>If he still existed.</p><p>But he must have, because not existing would surely not hurt the way he was hurting.</p><p>He didn’t know where he was, though. He couldn’t remember what had happened. He was lying in something soft and something smelled familiar, but he didn’t know how he had gotten there.</p><p>He thought back. He remembered Remus going away for the full moon. He remembered the regret of knowing that none of the Marauders could be there with Remus. That <em>he</em> couldn’t be there to stop Remus from hurting himself.</p><p>Why hadn’t he been there?</p><p>There was a mission. He’d had to watch that bloody barn that they had been watching for close to a month now. All of them had a bad feeling about the place, but so far, they had no evidence of anything sinister going on. He had met with Edgar and they had walked there, relieving Emmeline and Alice from their duty.</p><p>Truthfully, Sirius found it a waste of resources to keep two members posted there at all times. Surely, if something was going to happen, it would had happened already. And he was angry that he had had to waste his night sitting there while he could have been with Remus. If only there weren’t so many other things happening at the same time, occupying most of the Order, he could have asked to get the night off.</p><p>But where was he now? It didn’t feel like home, and he didn’t know how he knew it. He was most likely lying in bed, but it didn’t feel like his own.</p><p>And it smelled wrong.</p><p>And then there was the pain. It wasn’t sharp; it was more like a constant ache that was mostly concentrated on his right shoulder. His legs felt sore too: not like he’d been running – like they’d been crushed and then haphazardly patched up.</p><p>In spite of the pain and the not knowing where he was, there was a sense of calm inside him. He had never felt that way before. It felt like something was inherently right in the world.</p><p>Encouraged by that feeling, he slowly opened his eyes.</p><p>He found himself in a room he didn’t think he’d ever seen before. It wasn’t particularly well-lit. He was lying in a bed.</p><p>And next to the bed, sitting in a chair fast asleep, was Remus.</p><p>Seeing Remus there stirred something in Sirius. He vaguely recalled looking at Remus through a haze of pain much stronger than what he was currently experiencing. He remembered feeling relief, he remembered thinking that everything was right in the world because Remus was with him. He remembered thinking <em>I love you </em>at Remus so intensely that he must have said it out loud.</p><p>Remus looked tired and pale and he seemed to have dry blood on his hair. Was this the morning after the full moon? If it was, Remus was looking surprisingly good. Granted, Sirius couldn’t see what his clothes were hiding.</p><p>Sirius looked at himself. He was covered by a blanket, but his shoulders were sticking out. His left shoulder was bare, but his right one had been expertly wrapped in bandages. Blood had seeped through.</p><p>Sirius turned his head straight and looked up at the darkness, behind which there was a ceiling somewhere.</p><p>He closed his eyes and tried to think back to what had happened, but before he could catch any of the fleeting memories, he fell asleep.</p><p>*</p><p>Sirius groaned. His shoulder was burning, and he squinted his eyes open to see what was happening to it.</p><p>This time, the room was much brighter, and he had to close his eyes. At least he had managed to see Dorcas bent over his shoulder and Remus still sitting by his bed.</p><p>“Sirius?” he heard Remus say. There was movement, and Remus’ voice was closer when he said, “Padfoot?”</p><p>Dorcas – at least Sirius assumed it was her – did something to his shoulder that stung. He flinched and hissed in pain.</p><p>“More pain potion,” Dorcas mumbled.</p><p>There was a clink of glass and the pop of a cork, and Sirius tentatively opened his eyes again, squinting at the too-bright room. A phial approached his face and was pressed against his lips.</p><p>“Drink that,” Dorcas said.</p><p>Sirius obeyed without much thought.</p><p>The potion worked quickly, leaving Sirius feeling like he wasn’t quite present in his body. Sluggishly, he turned his head to look at Remus, but his eyes caught sight of his own right shoulder, which was currently not bandaged.</p><p>“Wha–?” he gasped, staring at his mutilated skin.</p><p>It looked like something had bitten him on the shoulder several times. The wounds were still open, and Dorcas was dabbing at them with what looked like a bloodied rag.</p><p>“We finally have powdered silver,” Dorcas said, and Sirius wasn’t sure who she was addressing. “It should stop the bleeding and speed up the healing process significantly.”</p><p>“It should?” Remus asked. “But it might not?”</p><p>Dorcas sighed and said wearily, “Remus, shut up.”</p><p>Remus scoffed. He had a deep frown on his face. He still looked tired and peaky, but he was sitting on his chair alertly, arms crossed. When he noticed Sirius watching, his face melted into something gentle and he uncrossed his arms.</p><p>“Padfoot,” Remus said, voice soft, and Sirius was quite sure he had never heard Remus use that tone of voice before.</p><p>It was rather disconcerting.</p><p>“Moony,” Sirius managed to say, although he felt like he wasn’t completely in control of his mouth.</p><p>“You’ll be okay,” Remus said and smiled, but Sirius could tell that Remus wasn’t as confident as he tried to appear.</p><p>“What happened?” Sirius asked. He felt like his words were slurring badly, but he couldn’t quite tell.</p><p>“You don’t remember?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius blinked at him. He blinked again. He blinked, except his eyes wouldn’t open after he had closed them.</p><p>“You need rest, Padfoot,” Remus said, and there was a gentle touch on Sirius’ head. “Don’t worry about anything. Just rest.”</p><p>Sirius wanted to tell him that he didn’t fancy resting, but his body was uncooperative. His eyes remained firmly shut and his mouth wouldn’t form words for him. His tongue felt heavy too. He could barely feel something touching his shoulder.</p><p>The last thing he was aware of before succumbing to sleep, was Remus’ voice and its pleasant timbre.</p><p>*</p><p>There was something behind him. He could feel it watching him, and he couldn’t calm his heart. He looked around, finding himself in a forest, but he didn’t know which forest it was. The moon was full, a heavy sphere above him, the eerie light making everything seem unreal.</p><p>He could hear something breathe. He was standing frozen, unsure if he should try to run. If he remained still, maybe it would lose interest and go away.</p><p>He knew what it was, but that knowledge seemed far away, like it had been buried under sand that he was trying to feverishly push away but it kept sliding back. Was it a malicious spirit? Was it a wild animal? Was it a Death Eater pointing a wand at the back of his head?</p><p>He heard it move and he couldn’t stay still, he had to run, and he ran as fast as he could, tripping over tree roots and scratching his palms as he tried to keep himself from falling. He could hear footsteps following, they were faster than him. A branch scratched his cheek and his robes got snatched by thorns.</p><p>There was a tree that had fallen over the trail. He noticed it right before tripping and jumped over it. He stumbled his landing, but somehow he managed to keep running, keep running and maybe he would make it out of there, but then there was a heavy weight on his back, paws pressing against his shoulder blades, teeth sinking into his bicep, and he was screaming.</p><p>He woke up abruptly, breathing hard and sweat on his forehead. He opened his eyes to force himself to understand that it hadn’t been real.</p><p>“Padfoot?”</p><p>Sirius turned to look at Remus, who was sitting by his bed. Remus looked like he could have used a shower and a good night’s sleep. Remus’ chin was covered with a day-old stubble. He looked utterly handsome.</p><p>“Did you have a nightmare?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius focused on his voice. It helped bring him more firmly into reality.</p><p>He was not in a forest being attacked by werewolves. He was safe with Remus.</p><p>He glanced at his shoulder. It had been bandaged tightly. Speckles of blood had seeped through the bandages, but he remembered seeing his shoulder bleeding more, at some point earlier. He must have woken up before.</p><p>“Are you in pain?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius turned to look at him again. Remus was worried, it was clear on his face, but there was also something inside Sirius telling him that. Remus was worried and tired.</p><p>“You feel different,” Sirius blurted out.</p><p>Remus’ brows shot up in surprise, then his face brightened in understanding.</p><p>“I know,” Remus said. “We need to talk about it, but not before you’re feeling better.”</p><p>“I feel fine,” Sirius said, although he was starting to be increasingly aware of his body and its multiple aches.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes but then smiled.</p><p>“It’s okay not to be fine,” he said. “I was told to give you another pain potion when you wake up.”</p><p>“Is it going to put me back to sleep?” Sirius asked.</p><p>“Probably,” came Remus’ response. “It’ll do you good to sleep more, though.”</p><p>“You need sleep too,” Sirius said.</p><p>He looked around the room.</p><p>“We’re in a safehouse,” Remus said. “The Order provided it.”</p><p>Sirius took in the room. It looked like a normal bedroom with the one bed he was occupying, a dresser and a writing desk against the opposite wall, and the chair Remus was sitting in. And a nightstand covered in bottles and phials.</p><p>He glanced at his shoulder.</p><p>“I was bitten, wasn’t I?” he whispered and turned his eyes to Remus again.</p><p>Remus’ face dropped. He reached out a hand and placed it gently on Sirius’ arm that was covered by the blanket. Sirius wished that the blanket wasn’t there to absorb too much of the touch.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Padfoot,” Remus said quietly.</p><p>Sirius looked at him. Remus didn’t meet his eyes, but he could tell that Remus was hurt and ashamed.</p><p>“It’s not <em>your</em> fault,” Sirius said.</p><p>Remus turned to look at him in surprise, then gave a small shake of his head before looking away again. His fingers were stroking Sirius’ arm. Sirius could barely feel it. He wished that Remus would stroke his hair instead.</p><p>“You should take your potion,” Remus said.</p><p>He squeezed Sirius’ arm before letting go and straightening up. He turned to look at the selection of phials on the nightstand, then picked one. He popped open the cork, looked at Sirius, and frowned slightly. He hesitated for a moment, but then slipped out of his chair and sat on the edge of the bed instead.</p><p>Sirius’ heartbeat quickened. It felt more intimate for Remus to be sitting on his bed, his body heat seeping through the blanket. He realised that he had missed feeling Remus close to him, although he wasn’t sure how he could have missed it when he had been asleep. Remus leaned closer. Sirius raised his head a bit, and Remus held the phial to his lips as he downed the potion.</p><p>“Did you want some water?” Remus asked as he reached out to place the phial back on the nightstand.</p><p>“Not thirsty,” Sirius said, wondering when he had last drunk anything.</p><p>Remus settled back on the bed, causing Sirius’ heart to jump in joy.</p><p>“This is the most coherent you’ve been so far,” Remus said. “That’s hopefully a good sign.”</p><p>“Have I been awake much?” Sirius asked.</p><p>He had a faint recollection of talking to Remus but couldn’t remember what had been said or when.</p><p>“You’ve woken up several times,” Remus said. “This is our first proper conversation, though.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. He was starting to feel the potion numbing his pain but also making it more difficult to control his body.</p><p>“You last woke up maybe two hours ago,” Remus said. “I gave you a drink of water. Do you remember that?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. Remus smiled at him and reached his hand towards Sirius’ face. Sirius could have melted when Remus started stroking his hair. It felt nice. It felt very nice. He regretted taking the pain potion that would soon stop him from properly feeling Remus’ touch.</p><p>“Moony,” he found himself saying. “I love you.”</p><p>Remus’ hand froze, but he soon continued stroking Sirius’ hair, fingers grazing his scalp, a faint smile on his face.</p><p>“Go back to sleep, Padfoot,” Remus said softly. “I love you too. We’ll talk about it all when you wake up again.”</p><p>“Promise?” Sirius asked, his eyes barely staying open.</p><p>“I swear,” Remus said.</p><p>His smile was the last thing Sirius saw, his touch the last thing Sirius felt.</p><p>*</p><p>“Mr. Lupin,” Sirius heard someone say, “I allowed you to come here with him with the hopes that it would put you at ease more quickly. You have seen that his strength is returning. He won’t be alone.”</p><p>“No,” Sirius heard Remus’ voice. It had been quite a while since he had last heard Remus so vehement.</p><p>There was a pause, and then the first voice said, “You are needed out there.”</p><p>“No,” Remus said again. “I’m needed right here.”</p><p>There was a longer pause, then the sound of a chair scraping the floor.</p><p>“Please, explain it to me,” the first person said, and Sirius finally recognised him as Dumbledore.</p><p>Sirius also recognised that someone was sitting on his bed. He opened his eyes to see Remus there, eyes of steel staring Dumbledore down.</p><p>“Moony?” he asked, voice faint, but Remus immediately turned to him.</p><p>“You’re awake,” Remus said, and the most beautiful smile spread over his face. “How do you feel?”</p><p>Sirius tried to shrug but ended up wincing.</p><p>“Not so good,” he said, voice somewhat choked.</p><p>“You should keep your shoulder still,” Remus said. “It’s no longer bleeding but it’s healing slowly.”</p><p>Sirius glared at his shoulder before looking up at Remus again.</p><p>“Because,” he said slowly and quietly, “it’s a werewolf bite?”</p><p>Remus’ mouth turned into a tight line for just long enough for Sirius to notice. Remus nodded.</p><p>“Do you not remember what happened?” Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius cast his thoughts back to the past, but before he could grasp any memories, Dumbledore cleared his throat. Sirius turned to look at him. Dumbledore flashed him an encouraging smile, but the typical twinkle was absent from his eyes.</p><p>“I would like to hear your story too,” Dumbledore said. “I talked to Edgar, but he was only able to provide details of what happened to him. He doesn’t know where you disappeared to.”</p><p>Dumbledore then turned to look at Remus with the faintest frowns on his face.</p><p>“I would also appreciate hearing,” he said calmly, “how you knew where to find Mr. Black.”</p><p>Sirius turned to look at Remus with wide eyes. Remus had found him? Remus was staring Dumbledore down again. It didn’t feel right. Remus had never so openly contested Dumbledore’s authority.</p><p>Dumbledore turned towards Sirius again.</p><p>“Mr. Black,” he said calmly. “Could you tell us what happened?”</p><p>Sirius closed his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts. When he opened his eyes, he looked at Remus rather than at Dumbledore. Remus gave him a small smile.</p><p>“Edgar and I were watching the barn,” Sirius said and turned to look at Dumbledore. “I’m sure he already explained the disturbance to you. We split up to see if we could find what it was.”</p><p>He felt Remus tensing up.</p><p>“I was trying to get to the other side,” Sirius said, “when I noticed something discarded on the ground. In the bushes. I was so focused on the barn that I forgot to think, so I picked it up, but it was a Portkey.”</p><p>“I see,” Dumbledore said, having tented his fingers under his chin. “And where did it take you?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sirius said. “It was a forest, but it didn’t look familiar. At that point it had gotten dark too, so even if it was familiar, I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell.”</p><p>Sirius thought back to the nightmare he remembered having. It kept coming back to him; he felt like every time he fell asleep, the same nightmare played out. It was getting difficult to differentiate between what was just a dream and what had really happened.</p><p>“When I realised that there was an Anti-Disapparition Jinx in place,” Sirius said, “I tried to figure out where I was. I couldn’t. So, I just tried to get out of there. I don’t know how long it took before… before the wolves appeared.”</p><p>“There were many?” Dumbledore asked.</p><p>Sirius turned to look at the ceiling, squinting at it, as if it would help him remember more clearly.</p><p>“It was dark and chaotic, so I’m not sure,” he finally said and turned to look at Remus, who was watching him closely. “There were at least two, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there were more.”</p><p>“I see,” Dumbledore said, eyes thoughtful when Sirius glanced at him.</p><p>“I don’t remember very clearly,” Sirius said, “but I think they left at some point.”</p><p>“There wasn’t anyone around when I went there,” Remus said.</p><p>“That reminds me, Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore said, and Remus turned to look at him. “How did you know where to go?”</p><p>And then, Remus turned to look at Sirius again. His eyes didn’t expose anything, but Sirius somehow knew that he was apprehensive.</p><p>“Sirius,” Remus said, voice annoyingly stable and void of emotion. Remus pushed the blanket away enough to take a hold of Sirius’ hand. “How much do you know about werewolf bonding?”</p><p>Sirius found the question indisputably odd. He glanced towards Dumbledore, who was watching them with one brow raised in intrigue. Remus nodded at Sirius.</p><p>“Is…” Sirius tried to find the right words to pose his question discreetly enough, just in case Remus was too stressed out to realise that if they talked about werewolf bonding, they were outing themselves to Dumbledore. “Are you sure you want to talk about that?”</p><p>“We must,” Remus said and squeezed Sirius’ hand. Then, in a whisper, he added, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Sirius frowned. He was almost certain that once again, Remus was apologising for something that wasn’t his fault.</p><p>“More specifically,” Remus continued more loudly, “what do you know about how the bond works?”</p><p>Sirius stared at Remus, but Remus’ face yielded no answers.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Sirius said uncertainly, “but I’m not quite sure I understand where you’re going with this.”</p><p>Remus chuckled darkly.</p><p>“Did you know that the bond between a werewolf and a human,” Remus asked, “is different from the bond between two werewolves?”</p><p>Sirius opened his mouth to snap that of course he knew it, but then realised that he didn’t really. He knew that there was a difference, he just didn’t know what that difference was. So, he closed his mouth and shook his head, upsetting his shoulder again. He winced.</p><p>“When a werewolf bonds with a human,” Remus explained, “the resulting bond is weak and doesn’t extend to the wolf.”</p><p>Sirius’ gut dropped.</p><p>“Oh,” he said. “So, all this time Moony hasn’t considered me a mate?”</p><p>Remus glanced at Dumbledore from the corner of his eye before turning slightly more towards Sirius.</p><p>“You have been a pack member,” Remus said quietly, rubbing the back of Sirius’ hand with his thumb. “You have been important, but not really a mate.”</p><p>“Oh,” was all Sirius could think to say. He didn’t like how disappointed he felt.</p><p>“When the bond is between two werewolves,” Remus continued at normal volume, “it’s different. It becomes more intense, and the wolf will acknowledge it too. It’s a much deeper bond. More complete.”</p><p>Sirius let that sink in for a moment, but he felt like his brain couldn’t quite grasp the information he was being given.</p><p>“When the bond is new,” Remus said, then blushed prettily. “Well, you already know what it’s like. What I’m saying is that it seems that the bond is working like it’s brand new again.”</p><p>“Because it’s new to the wolf?” Sirius asked quietly.</p><p>“It’s new to the wolves,” Remus gently corrected him. He turned to look at Dumbledore, holding Sirius’ hand tightly. “And that is why I can’t leave him. I physically cannot bear to be away from him.”</p><p>“I see,” Dumbledore said. He was serious, but the twinkle in his eye was back. “That is something that can’t be changed. How long does it take for the bond to allow you to be separated for extended periods of time?”</p><p>Remus turned to look at Sirius.</p><p>“How long would you say it took?” he asked. “I think it was easier for you.”</p><p>“But won’t it be different now?” Sirius asked. “Now that I’m… I’m no longer a human.”</p><p>Remus’ face dropped but he quickly hid it with a sweet smile.</p><p>“You’re right,” he said, then turned back to Dumbledore. “I think it took me roughly two months to learn to cope with the pain, but it only stopped hurting after closer to five months.”</p><p>Dumbledore nodded in thought and said, “That is unfortunate for my plans, but it can’t be helped. I think the two of you should take a break from Order work. At least two months. We will then discuss how you have adapted to the bond, and maybe we can send the two of you on smaller missions together.”</p><p>“Why smaller?” Sirius couldn’t help asking.</p><p>Dumbledore turned his twinkling eyes towards him.</p><p>“I wish to avoid risking the two of you getting separated,” he said. “But we will see. For now, I will exclude the both of you from any plans, and you should focus on being together.”</p><p>It was only now that Sirius realised that Dumbledore had not expressed any negativity towards finding out that they were bonded – and therefore, gay.</p><p>“Young love,” Dumbledore said, seemingly to himself, “should be cherished.”</p><p>*</p><p>Even though Sirius’ condition had improved – significantly, in his opinion – after two weeks of rest, he was still weak and bedridden. He slept a lot, but every time he woke up, Remus was with him. Sometimes when he woke, there was someone with Remus. So far, he had been visited mostly by Dorcas, Lily, and Peter. According to Remus, James had visited several times, but Sirius had been asleep each time.</p><p>Now, Sirius woke up to hear James’ familiar voice. It brought a smile to his face, but before he could open his eyes to greet his best friend, he realised that James and Remus were talking about him.</p><p>“But he has improved,” James was saying. “You said so. Dorcas said so too, I was here.”</p><p>“I know,” Remus said. “But he’s not improving as quickly as he should.”</p><p>It went quiet for a moment.</p><p>“So,” James then said, “what are you really saying?”</p><p>Remus sighed deeply, and Sirius could feel how conflicted and worried he was. The bond was still odd and new, but Sirius already wished that it would tell him that Remus was happy and content rather than always stressed out.</p><p>“It’s only two weeks before his first transformation,” Remus said so quietly that Sirius nearly missed it. Sirius felt sharp distress from Remus through the bond.</p><p>“It will be fine,” James said immediately. “He’s a stubborn bastard, if nothing else.”</p><p>Sirius disliked the conversation. He wished that he could get a phial of the pain potion that made him sleep, but he was sure that Remus was watching him, so there was no way for him to do so secretly.</p><p>Also, it would be unfair to Remus for him to sleep his worries away while Remus was getting increasingly distraught.</p><p>“You don’t understand, James,” Remus said, still talking quietly. “You don’t know how bad the transformation is.”</p><p>“Remus,” James started to say, but Remus cut him off.</p><p>“The first transformation is the worst,” Remus said, voice slightly louder and frantic. “I know you know it – you’ve read all the same books I have.”</p><p>Sirius had read those books too, and he knew Remus must have been talking about the fact that plenty of werewolves never made it through the first transformation alive.</p><p>“He can’t even sit up on his own,” Remus cried out, sounding almost hysterical. “He’s too weak.”</p><p>“He still has two weeks to recover,” James said.</p><p>“Only two weeks,” Remus said. “It’s only two weeks away, and at this rate he won’t have healed enough by then.”</p><p>It went quiet again. This time, the silence was broken by a sob.</p><p>“It’s okay, Moony,” James said just as Sirius opened his eyes. “He’ll be fine. He has time.”</p><p>Sirius didn’t have to turn his head much to see Remus and James. There was an extra chair by Remus’, and James was sitting in it. James had pulled Remus against himself, arms wrapped strongly around Remus’ narrow shoulders. Remus’ face was pressed against James’ chest. James turned to look at Sirius and smiled weakly. He opened his mouth to say something, but Sirius quickly shook his head. Remus wouldn’t want him to know that he was crying. He could feel the shame Remus was feeling, being seen weak and crying by one of their closest friends. It was enough upset.</p><p>Sirius looked at Remus, who was leaning against James, not moving. He noticed that Remus had wrapped his arms around James.</p><p>Sirius felt bad. He wanted to take Remus’ pain away, but he knew that there was nothing he could do. He could only listen to Dorcas and carefully follow her instructions, so he’d get better more quickly.</p><p>He couldn’t quite wrap his mind around the possibility of him not surviving his first transformation. It didn’t make him feel anything. It was almost as if he couldn’t understand it. He wondered if it was because of all the pain potions he’d been consuming. Maybe his head wasn’t clear yet.</p><p>All he knew was that Remus was sad and afraid, and he needed to stop Remus from hurting.</p><p>Remus stiffened in James’ arms, then slowly pulled away and turned to look at Sirius. He must have felt something from Sirius through the bond. Sirius debated closing his eyes before Remus could see him awake, but then decided against it. He was surprised to find Remus’ eyes completely dry.</p><p>“Hello, Padfoot,” Remus said, sounding eerily normal. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“I’m not feeling much,” Sirius said.</p><p>It was a lie; he was acutely feeling Remus’ fear.</p><p>“That’s good,” Remus said and turned properly towards Sirius. “Dorcas said you’re healing nicely.”</p><p>Sirius smiled, although it felt forced.</p><p>If Remus didn’t want to talk, they wouldn’t talk. He could do that.</p><p>He turned his eyes to James, who was hovering behind Remus, looking unsure.</p><p>“Hi, Prongs,” Sirius said and felt that his smile turned a tad more genuine.</p><p>“Good to see you awake,” James said and pat Sirius’ knee. “I can’t believe it took this long before I got here at the right time.”</p><p>Sirius laughed.</p><p>He gladly threw himself into a conversation with James. It made him feel almost normal. Even Remus was gradually relaxing, and by the time James left, Remus’ intense fear had receded some.</p><p>*</p><p>“Is this a mistake?” Remus asked and bit his thumbnail.</p><p>Sirius gently took a hold of his wrist and pulled his hand away from his mouth.</p><p>“It’s not a mistake,” Sirius said.</p><p>Remus bit his lip instead. Sirius sighed.</p><p>They were seated on the sofa in the Lupins’ living room. It was just the two of them; Remus and Sirius both agreed that it was too risky to have James and Peter with them during Sirius’ very first transformation. Newly turned werewolves tended to be unpredictable.</p><p>“It will be fine,” Sirius said, although he had to admit that he wasn’t quite as sure as he made it sound.</p><p>Remus must have known the truth because of the bond, though.</p><p>“It’s not a good idea,” Remus said decisively. “The cellar’s too small for two. It’s barely enough for me alone, there’s no way it’s a good idea for both of us to be there.”</p><p>“Moony,” Sirius said a bit more sharply than he had intended. “It’s too late to change your mind now. It will be fine.”</p><p>Remus looked at him for a long time, face completely indecipherable, but the dread in their bond was unmistakable.</p><p>“What if you don’t make it?” Remus then said.</p><p>His eyes widened, and Sirius assumed that he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Remus’ eyes filled with tears and before Sirius could do or say anything, the tears quickly made their way down his cheeks.</p><p>“Moony,” Sirius said, his voice choked, and pulled Remus against himself.</p><p>“If you die,” Remus sobbed against Sirius’ neck, “I won’t be able to take it. The wolf… the wolf won’t be able to take it.”</p><p>“I’m not going to die,” Sirius said assertively, trying to assure both himself and Remus. “I feel okay. I know I could be a bit stronger than I am, but I have a good feeling about this.”</p><p>Remus didn’t say anything, merely sobbed.</p><p>“Oh, Remus,” Sirius said and stroked Remus’ hair. “I’m scared too. But I do have a good feeling about this.”</p><p>“No, you don’t,” Remus said. “You feel absolutely rotten about everything.”</p><p>Sirius chuckled.</p><p>“I admit it,” he said, “I was rather devastated when I realised that I could no longer become Padfoot. But I mean that I have a good feeling about tonight.”</p><p>“How can you?” Remus whispered.</p><p>“I just feel it,” Sirius said. “I know it’s… I’m scared too, Moony. I really am. But there’s nothing we can do to change things. Whatever happens, happens. The most important thing is that I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Remus blubbered.</p><p>“I love you so much, Remus,” Sirius said and pressed his face against Remus’ hair.</p><p>The one good thing about being a werewolf was that his sense of smell was better, although only when it came to Remus. He could smell Remus from far away, and he thought that it must have had something to do with their bond. Remus always smelled good, he smelled like home and love and everything right in the world.</p><p>“I love you,” Sirius whispered.</p><p>It wasn’t much longer before they had to make their way downstairs. Sirius leaned on Remus on the stairs. His strength hadn’t fully returned, and while walking was no longer an issue, taking the stairs was more difficult. Sirius wasn’t sure it was purely a strength thing, either. It could have had something to do with coordination.</p><p>They undressed in silence. They stored their clothes and wands in the same recess Remus had been using for years. They settled down to wait for the moon to rise.</p><p>It felt oddly familiar: Sirius had been there with Remus before, waiting just like this, although those times he had been fully clothed and had turned into Padfoot when Remus told him the moon was near.</p><p>“It’s close,” Remus said.</p><p>It was unnecessary; Sirius could feel the moon in his bones.</p><p>He was suddenly frightened. It finally hit him that this could be the end of his life.</p><p>He was working himself into a panic when Remus grasped his hand. Sirius turned to look at him. It was dark, but he could see clearly.</p><p>“I love you, Sirius,” Remus said. “You will get through this.”</p><p>Sirius managed a wobbly smile, the moon already burning his cells.</p><p>*</p><p>There was a whine close-by. It roused something in him, but he couldn’t understand what it was.</p><p>He opened his eyes. The whining stopped.</p><p>He was somewhere cramped. His blood was telling him to move, get out of there and move, stretch his legs, hunt, howl at the Moon.</p><p>He scrambled up and shook himself. Then he looked at the other.</p><p>The other was a wolf too. It looked vaguely familiar, although he knew that he couldn’t have met it before.</p><p>Then he could feel it. This was his Mate.</p><p>His Mate came closer and nosed at his fur, inspecting him, and he knew that his Mate had been worried because he hadn’t woken up. He wagged his tail. It made his Mate happy.</p><p>He forgot all about the outside and the lure of the Moon. His Mate was with him and his Mate was content, and that was all they both needed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://twitter.com/mean_whale">twitter</a> - <a href="https://mean-whale.dreamwidth.org/557.html">my writing list</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>